Overcoming Fears

Today I’m sharing two short stories of how fear engulfs and changes the course of your life and what to do to keep going in hard- times like these.

Story 1

Sometimes, history repeats itself in unexpected ways..

One morning, one of our HiEd Ambassador program* mentees who are hardworking and sincere seemed disheartened. I called her in my cabin and talked to her to understand the probable cause of concern. She shared that being a part of HiEd family gives her a sense of belonging, an environment to learn and grow. She said she finally feels good about making her own identity in the The United States, something that she had yearned for years. On the other hand, she has started facing judgments and pressures from her family members for not being able to keep up with other responsibilities.

As I was beginning to understand the dilemma she was facing, she said – I also think I’m incompetent and inefficient as I was not able to meet one of the ten deliverables that were expected from me. For a moment, I was in shock. This statement of hers took me back to me 12+ years back.

While growing up until my adulthood, I was a girl with low self-esteem. One small mistake in my personal or professional life and I would start the blame game with myself, overthink it, and invite negative energies in my life with more and more self-destructive thoughts surrounding me. I would also, give full control to others in my life to blame me when things were not going as planned BY them even when the fault was not mine.

If you’re with me, here, reading this still, I assume you can very well relate to the sad feelings that submerge you in those seemingly-tough times. Collecting back my thoughts – to my mentee, I reminded her of tasks she excelled at and submitted even before time. And to err is human, we all learn by doing and that one incomplete task is not THE parameter to rate someone as incompetent and inefficient. I cheered her up and then helped her figure out a way and the skills she needed to work on to get the other tasks (read: household tasks) done right. She is now back in the game and all set to rock.

Story 2

Another incident happened at home, a few months back. To give you a background, my husband is a perfectionist. How in the world someone could be so perfect amazes me but that’s how he is. I was cooking and had prepared mutton curry for dinner that night. While on the dinner table, my children loved the taste but, apparently, my husband wasn’t too happy with my dish. What he said the next moment was – “All you had to do was to read and do as per the instructions.” Well, it was not the words but the tone that pierced through my heart and left me teary-eyed.

Had it been ten years back, the incident would have lingered on my mind keeping me up all night and would have invited the blame game at its best – I’m not good enough to even make a good dish.

But today, how I reacted was different. I thought to myself – “Today is my kids’ day and I’m not a perfectionist like him. Not everyone has the same taste. Maybe the next time I’ll try making it the way he likes it.” And moved on to serve the second serving to my kids, who loved my dish. Love the happy ending in both the stories? Let’s now decode what was that one thought which was instrumental in bringing this change, so much so that, today, I stand on my feet to empower others.

My Secret

What changed my perspective and helped me overcome my fears?
It was “The Secret”, a famous book by Rhonda Byrne. The gist of what it said was “Believe in yourself.” In my words, do whatever it takes and discover your ways to boost your self-esteem and confidence.

For me, what worked and still does is MY WALL OF ACCOMPLISHMENT. At home and in my workplace, I surround myself with only positive thoughts. And trust me, it helps even today. It gives the much-needed strength and courage no matter what situation I’m in. It serves as a defense against doubts and negative thoughts and fills me with hopes of good things. It does not just inspire me to do better but there have been instances where a struggling job-seeker visits me and mentions that the vibes in my room are so uplifting. It encourages even them to seek a pathway to achieve
their goals.

Interested to know what’s on my wall?

On one side, there’s a referral letter from the CIO of my first IT job in the United States. It was that letter and his advice that I decided to follow and earned the prestigious “Educator of the Year” award in a mere three years compared to those who aspire for 10-20 years to get it. It reminds me that I CAN “Break the Rules.”

On the other side is a recommendation from my first ever client of HiEd Success. It reflects that I should keep pursuing my dreams and move forward with greater vigor. There are a couple of quotes too, including one from the movie – Pursuit of Happyness.

What do I suggest?

Sometimes, it so happens that we’re in a constant self-judgmental mode. Sometimes the words or attitude of our peers, our clients or even of our closed ones hits us hard but we should pull ourselves back from all the negative energies and rather focus on things we get right. It is about how well we train our subconscious mind to work in our favor and see the good things in life unfold.

I suggest you; yes you, reading this, to surround yourself with books to keep you grounded. Or like me, have your WALL OF ACCOMPLISHMENT at home and office.

You can choose to write to me and share your experience after a couple of days. I also invite you to share how you raised your self-esteem in times of struggle. You never know it might help someone else.

*The HiEd Ambassador Program is HiEd Success Team’s social initiative and is a mentoring and coaching platform for women who are seeking an IT opportunity after a career break.